If you have a skilled mediator, the effectiveness of Mediation in Exeter will depend on the participants’ attitude. I have never failed to mediate a dispute when all parties operated in good faith. The following are some of the behaviours connected with unsuccessful mediations:
- Blaming and punishing
- Hiding assets and information
- Attorney interference
The stonewalling partner appears to be working tirelessly to obtain numerous compromises, only to alter his or her mind after the fundamental points in contention appear to have been settled.
Frequently, this conduct is demonstrated by a partner who does not want a divorce and utilises it (sometimes unwittingly) to delay the inevitable. Unless the mediator understands and properly addresses this, the couple will think that they have reached a stalemate and will abandon the Mediation Exeter, leaving the court to resolve their divorce concerns.
Sometimes, stonewalling may be an indication that the choice to divorce was taken hastily and that one or both partners are pleading for a second shot at the marriage. Several instances of stonewalling have resulted in an agreement to seek marriage therapy or to take actions to overcome marital difficulties. In spite of the fact that Mediation Exeter in such matters typically concludes swiftly, these cases are examples of successful mediations that resulted in an unexpected conclusion for the parties.
BLAMING AND PUNISHING
Some individuals seek to utilise Mediation Exeter as a venue to place the responsibility for the dissolution of their marriage on the other partner. In order to achieve this objective, they frequently attempt to build an alliance with the mediator in order to punish their “bad” spouse for infractions committed throughout the marriage.
It is the mediator’s responsibility to guide the couple’s attention on the issues that must be handled in order to legally dissolve their marriage, even if it is often good for a furious spouse to vent his or her views over certain perceived wrongdoings of the other.
Occasionally, there is a small divergence in the circumstances behind some of the challenges that led to
to the dissolution of the marriage might make it easier for the couple to go through the Mediation Exeter process, especially if it leads to the expression of pleasant sentiments or even an apology, but this needs extraordinary skill and empathy on the side of the mediator.
It is the mediator’s responsibility to ensure that negative emotions do not cloud the couple’s understanding of how to fairly address their divorce difficulties. A skilled mediator is aware that failed marriages are typically the consequence of the acts of both parties and will deflect attempts to use guilt or blame as the foundation for settling financial or childrearing concerns.
When one or both parties are unable to get past the urge to punish the other for their failed marriage, the punishing party may frequently seek legal aid to carry out the sanctions. It may take the punishing spouse years to realise that courts are typically ineffective venues for carrying out such sanctions.
Attempts to punish should not be confused with conversations about inappropriate behaviour on the part of either partner for the aim of reaching a fair agreement. Occasionally, the actions of one or both spouses have financial or parental consequences that cannot be disregarded throughout the Mediation Exeter process. In the chapter titled “How to Decide What’s Fair,” behavioural concerns are examined in depth.
In marriages with a lengthy history of power imbalance – when one spouse makes all of the choices and the other does not – there is a high likelihood that the couple will separate.
The decision-making spouse may view mediation as a way to continue getting what he or she wants, regardless of legal rights or objective notions of fairness.
The majority of the time, these couples will join mediation after reaching an agreement on every problem. Typically, such an arrangement will be tremendously advantageous to the more powerful spouse, but both parties will persuade the mediator that this is what they both want, thus the court should approve this deal.
Typically, as the Mediation Exeter develops, it becomes clear that the less powerful spouse is aware that the proposed arrangement is unjust, but would do everything to avoid conflict with the other spouse. This is especially common if the weaker spouse lacks the financial means to litigate.
The more powerful spouse knows from past experience that if he or she continues to pressure the weaker spouse, the latter would agree to a very harsh divorce settlement.
In certain countries, the courts will refuse to sanction such agreements, especially if they have a negative impact on children, whilst other courts would approve everything.
In such circumstances, the courts are the only avenue for a decision that is even remotely equitable. Unfortunately, the less powerful spouse rarely views court action or even the prospect of court action as a feasible alternative.
HIDING ASSETS AND INFORMATION
Occasionally, a person chooses mediation over litigation because they feel they can convince their spouse to settle without them learning about particular assets or facts. Such a person also frequently views the mediator as someone who can be deceived, manipulated, or otherwise controlled so that concealed paperwork is never need to be revealed.
Full disclosure of material is required as part of the Mediation Exeter process, and any lack or reluctance to reveal evidence or information should result in its immediate termination. Without full participation and information, no good faith mediation can proceed.
If this becomes a concern, a qualified mediator will terminate the mediation. The parties will then have the option of proceeding to court and requesting a ruling on whether or not specific paperwork must be submitted.
Once this matter has been settled by the courts, mediation will once again be an option.
In most cases, divorcing spouses are more cooperative than their counsel in resolving their disputes. Attorneys are educated to adopt a positional stance and to simplify their clients’ victories and defeats. They are educated to prevent any losses and to fight to the final end for their customers.
Typically, divorcing spouses recognise that they cannot have everything their way and that bargaining in good faith yields additional benefits, such as a speedier resolution of their divorce and less emotional and financial harm to themselves and their children.
The intentions of their attorneys are not usually the same. From the standpoint of the attorneys, the lengthier the divorce, the more money they make and the more opportunities they have to demonstrate their litigation talents.
It is not uncommon for a client to wish to settle a dispute through mediation but, on the advice of counsel, withdraw from the mediation and turn to the court to resolve the unresolved issues. Rather of abandoning the mediation, some couples are able to overcome such a stalemate by talking with other attorneys on the contentious topics and the mediation’s progress.
As a couple continues through Mediation Exeter, there should be a sense of advancement. If one or both parties believe they are making no progress after three or more sessions, or if they are stuck on a specific topic, they should discuss this with the mediator. If such a conversation does not convince either side that progress is being made, it is typically appropriate to terminate the mediation. It is fairly uncommon for a second mediator to be effective when the initial mediator achieved little to no results. This is due to the fact that there are vast variances in terms of service quality and expertise across mediators.